The past few days have been amazing :) .

It's like i've had a whole new lease of life :) instead of getting drawn into arguments i can observe, calm as a tibetan monk, as the person in question vents their anger, losing some dignity in the process. I'm no longer a target for pent up agression...you simply can't get a rise out of me.

What's more, i'm really enjoying the company of some old friends... and bieng myself :].

Without constant arguments at home and generally hiding my emotions at school...i can physically feel myself healing. 

My parents arrive home tomorrow though... i wonder if my new found enlightenment will last...

Current Mood: awake

 i've been:

pushed out.
bitched about.
bullied.
made to feel alone.
misunderstood.
betrayed.


of course i'm going to "cagey" or "on my high horse" ...just a few of the things i've heard people describe me as over the past month. I've made conscious efforts to make friends with people..all of them ended in me being rejected or  stabbed in the back. More importantly i realised that i didn't enjoy my "friends" company... for the most part. 
  I've been told that it's because i'm both pretty and clever, a combination much too threatening for the average teenage girl. Am i supposed to be happy about this? it hasn't gotten me anywere so far... perhaps i'm just obnoxious. 
  I'm sitting at home, having just finished my last GCSE. I'm alone because my parents have taken my brother to Bulgaria and left me. Nothing personal i'm told...i'm just "prickly" and hard to get on with.
  Hard to get on with? prickly? how can you sum my personality up in so little words?   you don't even know me. Nobody does... 
 The only time i feel free is with the Air Cadets. Ironically, i joined during an attempt to fit in with some new friends. I lost the friends, i kept the Cadets. It gave me something more exciting than fragile friendships. 
  It was through Cadets i learned about Welbeck. A college desighned for future Officers in The Armed Forces. It would give me the chance to break free from Sunderland and make a completely fresh start. 
 The selection process was tough. I spent almost a year working my arse off. The final selection took place at RAF Cranwell were i went for a week of tests and leadership excercises. I was focussed so hard on performing i didn't even think about friendships. However, as soon as i got there i made friends instantly. 
It's like i'd been waiting all my life for these people to come along.

 For two months afterwards i prayed for news. When it finally came i couldn't beleive it...i got in. I'm still lost for words to describe it... imagine drowning for years then finally taking a breath of cold air.
 It's been a month since then and i'm counting down the days...two months 3 weeks one day today.
It's like i'm waiting for my life to start...



 

Current Location: Sunderland
Current Mood: restless

  I was woken up to day bya call from a rather nice man from RAF Linton On Ouse who told me i did well at my selection board and i am one of two people from the North East to make it through :] . He was basically checking how my GCSEs were going. It cheered me up because it reminded me that whatever happens i'm still going to make it into the RAF... woo :]